Pages

Wednesday, 14 November 2018

Getting 'myself' back

Normal life (or what passes for it here) has slipped away over the last couple of months. I've managed to carry on with the day to day grind, though some might doubt if that includes any housework beyond the absolutely necessary, but grief has stopped me constructing sentences to form blog posts - either here or at OurBookReviewsOnline, and has definitely put an end to a desire to go out for fun. Folk have suggested going out as a way of  'cheering up' or 'getting over it' but my gut instinct was having none of that - it wouldn't have felt right. There's been plenty of dog-walking, sunset-chasing, grandson buggy-pushing trips to country parks and nature reserves but when it came to proper evening's out I've cancelled on gigs I said I'd attend, missing some touring artists I really wanted to see, but I just couldn't face going.
This last week without me really noticing something changed and I feel like I'm back to my normal self.


First I went out to a gig. Dave Giles is a guy I've known for a couple of years and he's come to feel like a friend. Since I last saw him perform, he's been up to exciting stuff - heading out to Nashville to record his new album, and bringing the musicians who played on it over here on tour, so when he came to Nottingham last week I decided to take the plunge and go see him, and I realised how much I'd missed been out in a happy crowd.



Over the weekend, our youngest daughter was home playing at a gig/birthday party on Saturday evening but earlier we spent the afternoon at Chatsworth catching the first day of the house being decorated for Christmas.








The next day we took her home with a lovely drive through the Peak District and a break for lunch at Lyme Park. It's how our weekends used to be - full of varied activities and experiences.





Tuesday saw me out again; this time to the theatre to see Alan Bennett's The Madness of George III. Mark Gatiss was amazing as 'Mr King', the rest of the cast fab, the set and costumes wonderful, and it was one of the best pieces of theatre I've seen in a while.



In part it feels like it's been yet another crazy full week, and certainly everything didn't run smoothly to plan, but it's been better and more stimulating than most of late. I feel more settled, and much more 'myself' for it. Now perhaps it is time to get back to 'normal'.

6 comments:

  1. Mary sometimes I think you just need to listen to your body and mind and give in to what it wants and if that is withdrawing for a while and focusing on you and your feelings then so be it. These periods of grief and stress cannot be rushed. I am glad, however, to find that you have rediscovered your love of life and are taking pleasure again in what you enjoy. Sending you much love and strength to move forward.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Jo, though I'm beginning to wonder if things are less settled than I thought. Since writing this post, we've been through the 'ashes scattering' which, while exactly what my dad wanted, was more disturbing than the church and crematorium services, and the week or so since I've felt really 'down' (and illness didn't help). The next hurdle will be Christmas ...

      Delete
  2. You did the right thing Mary, you listened to what your body and spirit were telling you and dealt with it your way. My instinct is always to hide away like an injured animal when I'm dealing with emotional trauma. I need space to process it. Having said that, it's very lovely to have you back! Sending you lots of love xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sharon x There's no avoiding the emotional pain, but I think while watching my mum decline over the years, then rapidly in the last few months, I'd already started the grieving process. Having said that the week or so since the 'ashes scattering' have proved harder than expected, plus I've been ill,so there's been a certain level of retreating. Onwards again though now x

      Delete
  3. Echoing Jo's words above Mary, you really do need to allow yourself the time and space to grieve. I think sometimes we battle against giving in to our feelings and try and brush over them but it doesn't work. They generally reappear at another time. Take things at your own pace, as and when you feel like it. You only have yourself to answer to. As I write this, I see that you unwell so I'm sending warm hugs and wishes your way. You can't keep our Mary away from a concert or festival for too long - I'm glad to see you are getting your spirit back in little burst. Much love xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words, Nicky x There's no getting away from the heartache at the moment but mum's gradual decline had prepared us all to a certain extent. I wonder if in part I've been too quick to feel life was getting back to normal as the 'ashes scattering' at a spot chosen by my dad was very distressing and the week since hasn't been a good one, and being ill hasn't helped. I expect grief will continue to come in waves like this for a long while yet, and Christmas will certainly be strange :(

      Delete