Life on hold

When your parents reach their late nineties, you fall into a feeling that they'll go on forever. That somehow the accidents and illnesses that befall other people's parents have totally overlooked yours.
Obviously it's not so, age catches up with us all, and a month or so ago we made the tough decision that my mum would actually be better off cared for in a residential home. In part, we'd been expecting this day to come, but we still weren't really prepared for it. We hoped though that some of the difficulties and worries of the past months might be behind us and a little stability return to our lives.

But no. My mum had hardly moved in to the care home before my dad fell ill, necessitating a week in hospital. Nothing really serious, apart from, as I've said before, EVERYTHING is serious when you're in your late nineties.
Now, Dad's back home, and, although living alone for the first time ever has definitely been a shock to him, after a shaky start he's settling into his new routine with lots of visits to see my mum, and possibly a day out each week at an old folks day centre (though the 'old folks' there are twenty years younger than him!)
What's slightly taken me aback though, is how I feel at sea. Before I've managed to cope with this sort of dashing about, here, there and everywhere. This time I didn't. At the end of a day, I was exhausted, more emotionally than physically I think.

The heat this last month has probably not helped. As temperatures hit the high twenties, day after day, week after week, I just gave up hope of doing anything. Apart from a curtailed visit to Timber Festival, we haven't gone out anywhere. I abandoned the gardening and housework. I couldn't find the energy to cook dinner. I cancelled evenings out at gigs, and a weekend at Curious Arts Festival. Life outside of looking after my parents ground to a halt.


Hopefully we've started to turn a corner. Care-home visiting is time consuming, but, although my mum doesn't always recognise us, my dad wants to visit her as much as possible. At least we're past the chaotic settling-in phase, so maybe now life will return, not back to normal, but to something a little more predictable.